3. As a mom, how did breast cancer affect your family?
It was a difficult time for me. My youngest was two-years-old and still taking a daily bottle. My oldest was 12-years-old and just gearing up for the play-offs and play-downs in competitive hockey. This was one of the times when my children needed me and I needed to be an active member of this family, but I had other things on my mind pulling me away. I am an only child so that phone call to my own mother was hard. Having to tell her that I, her only child, had breast cancer was heart breaking. I remember reassuring her that we were going to do everything and that “it would all be okay,” even though I was unsure if it would be. My mother was at our house as often as she could, as was my husband’s mother. We always had one of them around or available at a moment’s phone call. Her support is never ending, she has committed to join me in the 12th annual Shoppers Drug Mart Weekend to End Women’s Cancer benefitting the Princess Margaret Cancer Centre this year. I look forward to walking with her to support her as she has supported me all along. I was so worried about my husband. We were a team, we parented together, we cooked dinner together, we maintained our home together. He was my best friend and I worried about how much pressure it was putting on him to have to sit and watch and wait for everything to get better while it all seemed like it was just getting worse. I think that was the hardest for him, having to stay by my side and not being able to help when I felt at my worst.
4. Did your children understand what was going on with their mom?
My youngest daughter got to know the cancer centre very well from the all of the check-ups, appointments and treatments I had. She became very good friends with my radiation therapists and looked forward to the treats they would give her. She was our little trooper that would entertain us with her innocence and playfulness. She knew I had cancer, that it was in my “boob,” and that I lost my hair from the medicine. Last year at The Shoppers Drug Mart Weekend to End Women’s Cancers in Toronto, she was my biggest little supporter. Everytime I saw her I knew I was walking for her and her sister. My oldest daughter knew more. She knew that day I picked her up early from school. As we walked out of her school she looked at me and said, “It’s bad, isn’t it?” I told her, “It’s cancer but it will be okay.” She understood what was going on, in the sense that she knew I had treatments, she knew when I was admitted to the hospital and when I wasn’t feeling very well. I’m not sure she completely understood what it was really like, which I am thankful for.
5. Do you have any other tips or suggestions to share?
Be proactive in your care. This is your body, if you want to know something, ask about it. If you do not understand the reason behind a decision, ask! I know I had wonderful people caring for me but I wish I knew I was my own advocate. I just went along with what the doctors had said because I figured they knew what was best. I look back now and think, “I should have asked why are they doing this and not this?” I would have questioned more of what the reasons were. Look for support groups for and geared towards young families. This is another thing I wish I did. I think that it could have helped my family understand more and be able to better cope with how our life was changing. Everything changes so quickly that having a support system dealing with the same thing would have helped us keep up. Sometimes, it felt like I was on a roller coaster.
Rebecca suggests that if you are diagnosed with breast cancer to join a team for survivors, meet a new friend who has survived breast cancer and meet her for tea, or join a cause to help others. She is participating in The Shoppers Drug Mart Weekend to End Women’s Cancers, in a few weeks, benefiting The Princess Margaret Cancer Centre has made me feel as though I am truly helping a cause. The Weekend to End Women’s Cancers has inspired me and reminded me of how many people are affected by women’s cancers. For those two days in September 2013, when I first walked the 60KM, I was not alone.