Oprah Winfrey has a great quote that says…
“I don’t think of myself as a poor deprived ghetto girl who made good. I think of myself as somebody who from an early age knew I was responsible for myself and I had to make good”.
If you just read that quote for the first time, but you did not quite understand it, then I would suggest reading it again and continue reading it until the brilliance of it sinks in.
Oprah hit the nail right on the head and drove the spike home with only one blow. These are powerful words for any person to hear, but especially for a parent.
Here is a simple example of what I mean:
When children are learning to walk they fall down a lot. As a concerned parent we rush to our children, pick them up, give them a hug and a kiss and tell them something like “That’s alright, you will be okay; daddy is here for you. ”Now in the first few weeks of walking that is something that is totally understandable, however as time goes by that type of parenting behavior actually begins to hurt our children, not help them.
Instead of picking up your child every time they fall and then showering them with hugs and kisses, wait for them to stand up on their own and then praise them for getting up even though they have fallen. The difference in timing may seem small but it sends a dramatically different lesson to a child. By making this change the child learns quickly that falling down is part of life, nobody is going to pick you up, and that you are responsible for yourself. They learn that it’s up to you, if you are going to be successful at getting up.
It’s here that you may be asking yourself, “Okay, but what does this have to do with anti-bullying?” My response is, “Everything.” The quickest way to help your child is to give them as many tools as possible to keep bullies from picking on them in the first place. The simplest place to start is with their self image and confidence. If you want to build a child’s self confidence then be their mentor and guide and TEACH them how to do things. Do not do things for them. Then follow that guidance up with a big helping of rewards for overcoming adversity.
As parents, we all try to shelter our children from the bad things in this world, which is great, but we many times take that thought process too far and we inadvertently shelter our children from learning some very powerful life lessons like, “It’s not how many times you fall that matters, it’s how many times you get back up that counts. ”This teaches our kids that they are responsible for themselves and it’s up to them to “make good” in this world.
If you are truly concerned about teaching your children about how to handle a bullying situation then look at how many ways you can teach them life skill lessons each day. Also don’t hesitate to teach those lessons even if you think your child is “too young” or “won’t understand.” It’s my experience after 20 years of teaching kids that it is usually the parents’ perception of what their child can learn that is misplaced and that children are much more capable at all ages than we give them credit for. If you would like another tool to help your child with bullying issues at school you can get a free report at www.antibullyprogram.com.
About the Author
Brett Lechtenberg has been teaching anti-bully skills to children and adults for almost twenty years and is the author and creator of The Anti-Bully Program, the Anti Cyber Bully Program, and others. Learn more at Brett’s websites http://www.antibullyprogram.com or http://www.brettlechtenberg.com.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
Comments
12 responses to “What Oprah Winfrey Can Teach about Anti-Bullying And Building Your Child’s Self Esteem”
I am not the sheltering kind of mother. I believe in being there for them, but they can learn a little independence and self esteem from helping themselves too.
I agree that you want to give them as many tools as possible. It can be a huge challenge though. I know from watching it with someone I love oodles and lots. 😉
Unfortunately, everyone has to face bullying at one point or another in their lives. Preparing our kids for that inevitable situation is important.
Oprah has always been a great advocate for anti-bullying. She always sends a great message and has such a kind heart.
Great points. My son is now in grade school, and I’m actually bracing myself for things like this. Hopefully, I can prepare him for such tough situations.
I agree completely that we need to equip our kids to handle real life. It is more challenging for a child with special needs, though, as they don’t experience the world the same way as others. My son had a hard time learning how to decode what people said — and being his protector was important.
That is a great and empowering quote! Instead of focusing on the negative, she held herself responsible for her own success. I try to teach my kids that it isn’t what others think of your… but holding onto your dreams and goals.
I love Oprah and all the good she does in the world. However, I’m going to say that we can’t have our kids view the world through Oprah’s lens. Some kids are naturally quiet and/or shy. Other kids have special needs, and even more kids are peace makers. To tell children who view their parents as their first advocates that they are responsible for themselves is an abdication of our key role in those tender years.
Frankly, I’m tired of parents who sit back and watch their kids get bullied and abused and hope it will all go away; in many instances the end result is suicide or a school massacre. If we don’t stand up for our kids and address bullying in a proactive way, who do we expect to do it? What if it doesn’t stop?
I’m sorry, I disagree with this passive approach. Begin with the school, include the parents of the abuser, escalate it to the Superintendent of the district, engage local media, and if all of those steps don’t put an end to it, take it to court. Trust me, by the time you bring the media in, everybody gets their act together.
Oprah is awesome! What an awesome quote. She is so inspirational. Its a shame how young bullying can start.
Bullying is such a horrible thing and can be prevented when we educate our kids It also helps when the schools and daycare hold the children accountable.I have seen where there was a bully and the parents were not even informed what was going on. The parents, teachers and caretakers all need to work together to help our kids make the right choices.
Great post, a good reminder for all parents, we want to protect them so bad but that isn’t always the best way. Thanks for sharing! Rebecca at hip homeschooling.
Bullying is not so prevalent in Asia. But there are still few cases as schools are melting pot of children with different personalities and background. So whenever my children come home crying because someone is making fun of her/him, I usually ask them “Are you what your classmate is telling you who you are? If no, then don’t cry. If ever he does the same thing again, tell him to stop and that you are not listening to her/him.”