Find a Grief Counselor To Help Equip You With Necessary Tools and Support Before Leaving an Abusive Relationship
When your going through a major life changing event, you should seek help from an licensed therapist or counselor. I think it is best to seek help before you decide that you are going to get out of an abusive relationship. A licensed therapist can give you the necessary tools that you need to leave. They can also give you the emotional help and support that you will need to follow through with your decision. Talking with a counselor is also a great way to vent your frustrations, find peace, and happiness so that you can move forward and one day find a healthy relationship. Search for a provider who specializes in grief therapy. A grief therapist is specially trained to help people identify and solve psychological and emotional problems as a result of the abuse or traumatic circumstances.
Find a Safe Place to Reside Before You Decide to Leave an Abusive Relationship
Once you have made up your mind to leave, you will need to find a safe to stay away so that you don’t have to deal with the abusive person on a daily basis. If you don’t have a place to stay, many communities offer resources to help you get away from your abuser. You shouldn’t have to live in fear or stay in an abusive relationship because you don’t have a place to live. Search for local violence shelters in your area or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) for help (the number listed is for the United States only). Many of the shelters have safe houses and places for you live so that you can get the help that you need in order get out of an abusive relationship. In order to stay at the shelter, you have to follow their rules. The rules set by the shelters are for your protection and safety.
Get a Protective Order to Protect You and Your Family
After you have lined up a safe place for you to stay, you will need to go to the magistrate’s office or police station and file a protective order against the abuser. Make sure that you take any documentation or witnesses that you so that you can prove that you have been abused or threatened. You don’t have to have a police report to file for protection but if you have one it would be helpful. Don’t forget to bring any photos that show injuries or medical records. A restraining order will prevent your abuser from coming any where near you and your family. It can also force the abuser to move out. If you have to have contract with the abuser, a restraining order would require an officer to be present around you and the abuser. If you have any children, the order can also grant you temporary full custody to prevent the abuser from hurting your children. Always have the court attempt serve a restraining order. This is for your protection. An abuser is likely to be upset when they are served and they could possibly cause physical harm. If the abuser violates the terms of the restraining order, it is important that you contact the police department to report the violation. Always follow through so that the abuser knows that you are serious.
A Protective Order Has to be Served to the Abuser Before It is Effective
A restraining order doesn’t go into effect until it is served. It is important that if you see your abuser, that you contact authorities or cooperate with authorities if they are having trouble locating the abuser. After the restraining order is served, you will have to have a hearing and have to see a judge in order to have a permanent restraining order issued. If you can’t afford legal services, ask for a court appointed lawyer or a referral for legal assistance depending on where you live. After a hearing, a restraining order is good up to 5 years and can be renewed. It is important that you always carry a copy of your restraining order on you at all times. If you don’t have a copy of the restraining order, it might be difficult for law enforcement to protect you from your abuser.
Don’t Let An Abuser Manipulate You
If your abuser knows that you are going to seek help and get a restraining order against them, they will probably try to manipulate you and threaten you. It is important that you document the threat or threats. Don’t let the abuser scare you. Don’t listen to their lies, most abusers will try to talk you out of getting help so that they don’t get in trouble. Remember most abusers are often in denial about their abusive patterns and will often make up excuses in order to justify their behaviors. Instead, try to think positive thoughts and imagine what your life will be like once the abuse ends.
Love Doesn’t Hurt and You Don’t Have to Tolerate the Abuse! Never be afraid to get help.
1 Corinthinians 13: 4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship?
Comments
24 responses to “Prepare Yourself Mentally and Emotionally Before Trying Get Out of an Abusive Relationship”
Hi Christy,
Well written detailed post indeed 🙂
I wonder if you remember a post I’d also written on abusive relationships a few months back and that for sure was an eye opener for me because of the support system and lots of online help available out there. But I agree, before you really go ahead with it, you need to prepare yourself, which is not easy for the abused because when they suffer and undergo all that they do, they just aren’t in the state to think right I feel. Nevertheless, they have to take control of themselves and follow the right way as you mentioned here.
Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
Thank you for sharing Harleena. I am not sure that I read your post but a having a support system is critical. You are right an abused person often feels as if they deserve what they are getting or they aren’t thinking as clearly as they should be. A good friend or support system can help them see things for what they are and encourage them to get the help that they need to regain control of their lives.
🙂
Getting out of an abusive relationship is never easy. I have a friend who’s going through something like that now. I will forward this post to her. Thanks. Really…
I hope that your friend finds this post useful. 🙂 Thank you for stopping by Pepper.
It’s important to get out of abusive relationship..great tips that you have here.
Thank you Dominique.
Very good tips you’ve listed for anyone going through an abusive relationship. I have had to help a friend escape an abusive relationship and with I’d had these tips at the time. It was a scary time, but it all worked out in the end.
Thank you Roz. It is tough watching a friend live through an abusive relationship.
Oh my goodness! So many women could be helped by reading this article. I have to share it.
Thank you for sharing this post Taylor. 🙂
This is a very enlightening post about abusive relationships, Christy. Although I’ve never been in such a relationship, I know women who have. Thank you for posting a sometimes touchy subject, people need to know there are resources available to them and there is hope.
Yes, most women who are trapped in a horrible relationship don’t realize that they aren’t alone. Thank you for sharing Carla.
Abusive relationships are definitely difficult to get out of, especially when you’re conflicted with feelings. These are such great tips.
Pressed enter by accident. The manipulation part is the most difficult thing to deal with for sure and sometimes fear that goes along with it.
Yes this was the hardest part that I had to deal with when I went through my divorce. Looking back I wish that I would have sought grief counseling but at the time I felt like I could handle it on my own.
Great information. Probably more important for those NOT in abusive relationships to be aware of the steps to be able to help a friend or family member. The person in the abusive relationship is dealing with shame & survival & needs someone strong to guide them.
Yes, I agree Roslyn. I wish that I would have listened to my gut instincts when it came to marrying my ex. I felt that I had to marry him because I was pregnant. Live and learn.
AMENDMENT- EQUALLY IMPORTANT
Great post, Christy, you pointed some important steps for people who are going through this.
Thanks for bringing awareness and for sharing these resources.
You welcome Delia, thank you for stopping by.
Those are all very important tips! I think in many cases people are in such a hurry to get out of a terrible relationship and they make the jump without any preparation which often times makes their life even worse. My first husband was verbally abusive and very difficult and I spent 3 years planning my divorce before he even knew about it. I sought out counseling, I was secure in my job, and I dealt with my emotions before I told him we were through.
Thank you for sharing your story Sicorra. I hope that other’s see this comment and are inspired to make plans before they decide to leave a relationship. 😉
Christy, thank you for the dedication you put into your work to help others~ This is another EXCELLENT testimony to how God is using your intellect and skills to make a DAILY difference with your articles~ I value the time you invest in the R&D you complete to publish accurate and helpful information for people to follow. You are a DAILY blessing~ XO, S~
Informative post!Having a support system is essential for everyone. Whom do you appreciate the most as your support system in life?